I wouldn’t claim to have more than a moderate interest in sports. While I’ll pick some favorite players, I far from follow them religiously. I definitely don’t have a team that I follow year round, and I certainly couldn’t list off any stats or more than a meager handful of historical moments for any particular sport. I did, however, compete actively in swimming and fencing when I was younger, and I will certainly make an exception for international sports competitions (or Penn State sports). I have always enjoyed the Olympics, and in recent years, the Weltmeisterschaft (FIFA World Cup) and, most recently, the Europameisterschaft (EM i.e. the Euro Cup) have joined that list. I think soccer is particularly fun to watch because it’s fast paced and easy to follow, unlike American football (especially on television… although being at Penn State has changed my perception of this a little). However, I’m always amazed and excited by the ability of sports, especially soccer, to bring the international community together. I enjoy events like the Olympics or the WM because it’s an incredible feeling to have people from all walks of life, all over the country, waiting with baited breath for their team, or cheering in unison. It’s especially amazing because people that come from entirely different lands and walks of life, who might not even speak the same language, have this whole other way to communicate with each other through sport. Sports give people a common context for actions, people don’t have to speak the same language at all to both understand what’s happening in a soccer match, and to express their excitement or anguish about it. Being in Germany for the EM is of course exciting because it means there are games on in all the restaurants and celebrations for the games… but it’s also nice because it’s one of the times that, even as an exchange student here, I can feel especially connected to the culture. It doesn’t matter if I’m sitting with Germans or Australians or other Americans, especially for the EM (which the US, of course, has no stake in), when Schweinsteiger or Draxler scores, or Neuer saves, we all cheer and we all get to be Deutsch. It’s an incredibly powerful moment of connection and excitement. I think moments like these are part of the reason I’m such a diehard fan of the Olympics. I recognize that they can be extremely controversial for the impact they have on the local community -- especially these upcoming events in Rio, and of course we should strive for solutions in the future -- but ultimately I appreciate and enjoy the spirit of international community competitions like these endeavor to foster.
My trip to Frankfurt this past weekend was about everything I expected from it. Kendra and I went to meet Brad there and spend his last night in Germany with him / see him off to the airport. We got there earlier on Thursday evening, walked around the Stadt a bit, and saw the Römer -- the prominent cathedral overlooking the city, which looked a lot like the Freiburg Münster. It was also funny because I saw the Fachwerkhäuser and a lot of things that were definitely featured in my high school German textbook and its section on Frankfurt am Main. Kendra and I also took a series of really touristy photos in front of the Euro statue, and Kendra made a joke about us definitely being locals... And then we were asked for directions in Frankfurt by three different people, one of them immediately afterwards. For dinner we went back near the Hauptbahnhof because there were a lot of restaurants directly on the street leading from it, and hit up this place called Kakadu's which was Australian. I got a kangaroo burger -- because what else would you get in Frankfurt? -- and it was good but I didn't really notice a huge difference between kangaroo and beef, except maybe it was leaner. We then met an overwhelmed-looking Brad at his train and helped him carry his stuff to the hotel right across the street from the Hbf. As always when I travel with Brad, I just accept the fact that I'll find out our agenda as we go along, and this time was no exception. I had been pretty sure we'd be staying in an Airbnb, but it turned out that his mother had booked him a hotel room. It was funny because the doorman totally didn't think we belonged there. Sure, we looked a bit disheveled from several hours of bus or train travel, and Brad from carrying all of his stuff, but I didn't think we were that shady of characters.
The doorman was all "can I help you?" Brad: "yeah we are staying here." Doorman: *extremely skeptically, albeit politely* "Do you have a reservation?" Brad: yep. After we got to the room Brad attempted to repack a bit (which is always fun, especially when it's several hundred degrees) while we played crappy music from the 2000s and also Hamilton and goofed around. We went out for a bit and chilled in the park on Willy Brandt Platz by the giant glowing Euro statue. After several more shenanigans we eventually went to bed. At this point people in PSIADA were talking about the Brexit... And I really wanted to stay up to track the results, as Joey and Carver were commenting on the polls and it reminded me of this past not-semester whenever we'd track primary results at Pat's... But I fell asleep with most people assuring that a Brexit wouldn't occur... So that was a mistake. I couldn't believe it when I woke up. But more on that later, probably. We went down to breakfast, I spectacularly Iced Brad, he collected the last of his objects, and we headed for the train station. As we were leaving the room, I pulled out the keycard from the room (because it was used to activate the lights). "Do we need this for checkout?" Brad: "I've never checked out of a hotel in my life!" I laughed and threw the key at the bag of trash in the hall, and we hurried down the steps. We were about to go out of the door when the reception called to us "Haben Sie abgechecked?" "Oh nein," Brad went to the desk. Do you have the key?" they asked. Brad turned to me. "Do you have the key?" "One moment please," I said calmly, then left and went back upstairs to collect the key from where it had luckily fallen beside the trash can. I cracked up for a moment when I made eye contact with Brad from the hallway but he kept a straight face as I handed it to him. In retrospect this was hilarious. I mean, I really calmly and matter of factly went to go get the key, but what on earth were the reception people thinking? Like, where could I have gone? It was obviously not in the room because I couldn't go in there without it, and we didn't have anyone with us, so there was no logical place for me to have left it. Also, as Brad continued to checkout, the lady was like "Wait you had three in a room?" "Uhoh," I thought. "Was that against the rules?" Brad really swiftly and smoothly responded in German, "Nah, they're just helping me carry my stuff to the airport. I'm flying back to the us today." I was extremely impressed at his quick and logical cover. The reception then wished us a "Gute Reise!" And as soon as we left the hotel we burst out laughing. "That was such a good cover!" Kendra and I told him. "Yeah I dunno I just lied really well." "It's a character flaw," I responded, making Brad crack up (as it was a reference to a long running joke here.) Brad then said , "I'm just glad they didn't ask why you were eating the brunch then." Which is true. Oh man. That concierge must just have so many questions right now. We then walked Brad to his train (after he asked the coolest looking DB man ever for instructions) and waved goodbye. For me this was also interesting because Brad I clearly remember the day Brad left for Germany, because none of us knew Brad was going... (okay, well obviously I knew he was studying abroad, I just didn't know when he was leaving). I still remember that I worked in the YMCA in the morning, I texted him on my break for help with my PUNC Committee, and then I went to sit in the HUB with Carver and Quill before UNCA dinner at Panda Express. We were in the middle of stalking our future roommates on Facebook when we saw that Brad had commented "brb going to Germany" on Facebook, and we each asked the other one, bewildered, "Did you know Brad left today?" and I was especially confused, because I never would have bothered Brad about random PSIADA questions if I knew he was trying to make his final preparations before going to the airport. So anyway, it was interesting for me to have such clear memories/experiences with both the beginning and ending of his study abroad experience. Well now what? Kendra and I wondered. We eventually decided to wander over to the museums and pick one. It was excessively hot and humid, even with just our backpacks, so we took a long respite in a park along the river. We contemplated going to this art museum, but instead went to the communication museum, which was really cool (and cheaper). The top floor currently had an exhibition on German advertising through the decades after the war, and it was really cool to see the development of different brands, especially how some German brands came back after the war, or how advertising worked in the DDR. We only had a few minutes to look around the bottom floor -- the permanent exhibition -- which was a giant floor with different mail wagons and telephones and radios and telegraph machines, but I got to read a little about telegrams sent from the Titanic which was cool. We then went and got lunch back by the Fachwerkhäuser, and even though it was like 90 degrees and hot meaty German food wasn't quite top of my list, I got the Frankfurter Schnitzel and Apfelwein, figuring I may as well go all in to try the local delicacies, and they were actually pretty good. We then meandered over to the Goethehaus -- and even though we only had 15 minutes, we decided to go tour it quickly because it was only three euros for students. It was pretty cool to walk around, in hindsight. Then we bought ice cream and hurried back to the Hbf, only to discover that our bus was delayed indefinitely (it turned it to be an hour late), so we had the pleasure of sitting in the hot sun with hoards of other people waiting for it. After far too many stops and my phone dying we finally made it home, barely beating Brad back to Freiburg (before he made it back to America). Originally Kendra and I had planned to go out, but by the time we both washed all of the bus off of us, neither of us were exactly feeling it anyone, but I was starving so I suggested we go buy Döner in the Innenstadt. As we were making our way of StuSie, we passed a CASUALLY ON FIRE DUMPSTER, which we had no idea what to do about, but no one else seemed concerned! Eventually the police and a firetruck came as we waited for the Straßenbahn. It also started to thunder and downpour, and Kendra wanted to go back, but I was really really hungry, so I convinced her we should continue our quest for Yufka. I then came back, Skyped with Graham, and went to bed. (So coincidentally, a little bit after I was thinking about what I wanted to say in this post, I got a PSIADA-related email about other business where my friend Ben remarked that we'll "be back before we know it.")
I feel like I blinked and all of a sudden I have barely a month left in Freiburg. Okay, maybe a little more time before I leave Europe... But this adventure does feel like it's almost over. Next weekend is Fourth of July, which I normally consider the halfway point for the summer, and then it's the the Freiburg Weinfest -- an event I have anticipated for quite a while (but again, now that it's here it's hard to believe because that was one of the events at "the end of my trip")... And then Alice is here, and then I'll be starting my last week in Freiburg. Wow. Writing this all out does not make it seem like it's going any slower. I'm saying bye to Brad tomorrow -- another one bites the dust. Even though it's basically less than a normal summer break length of time until I see him again at school, I'll still be sad to see him go. With another one of my friends leaving the continent, there just seems such a finality to this adventure. Also it seems weird that Brad and I might never be in Freiburg together again -- chilling on his terrace in Vauban, meeting up at cheers, buying Döner and listening to the worst DJ ever at stusie... and of course, spending far too many hours talking about PSIADA... I mean, not that we aren't going to see each other a ton next year. This past semester/not-semester/almost two semesters? Has been really interesting for me, because I felt like I've gotten to know a bunch of people really well on an individual level. And while I'm sad a lot of my friends and I couldn't spend the time together -- and haven't all been together since before our winter finals week ended, this was also a valuable experience. For those of you who are familiar with Avatar the Last Airbender, there's a part in the last series where, after Prince Zuko joins the squad, he goes on solo adventures with each person -- and that's kinda been my year so far. Carver and Quill and I had plenty of adventures this past spring -- the time Carver, Quill, and I played broom hockey all alone on the Pegula rink, or walking home through the snow, or carrying each other home in different conglomerations, or all waking up on Valentine's Day together... Or there were the several days Carver and I spent the whole afternoon in the HUB doing work (or in my case, PUNC stuff), or seeing who could roll farther on our chairs in the Heads of Committee meetings, or the time we went to the career center together cause our parents were both like "go!" and then had literally no idea what to tell them cause they wanted us to do like ten steps of career counseling... Or the weekend that just Quill and I hung out and he cheered me up after I walked the whole length of freezing College Ave after a crappy tea club party, or let me grumpily pass out on his shoulder while we were waiting for committee to finish, or any time he walked me partially home while everyone else was moving as. Slowly. As. Possible.... I also felt like I got to know more people in PSIADA better. Like the time William and I watched crappy high school videos on YouTube and nuggeted Carver's backpack before UNCA. Or the time that Pat and I went hiking at 6am on a perilous Uber journey through a snow storm to Whipple dam, and the Uber driver was all "do you kids have a flashlight" and we were all "...of course we do!" But yeah no. Totally did not. Or when he stayed with me in the HUB until like 3am and tried to read German while I coded my lab work. I got to (almost haha) enjoy swimming again with Ben (/also just talk about politics... and then feel judged by the lifeguards... because on the flipside, I totally would have been the judgey lifeguard) and go on seemingly uncomplicated car trips around State College for PSIADA, or have nerf gun wars and compare spring breaks.... Or get to know Julia better (like when we took our own laps in the HUB or rolled our eyes at the boys at West dinners), and Jordan (I've already shared with you in your toasts video), and Tom, and Joey, and all of my wonderful, amazing crisis staffers... And then I was also fortunate to explore the world with some of my best friends. I went sliding down cliffs in Scotland with Rose, and swimming In Loch Ness, and got to lie under the stillest, starriest spread of nighttime on the isle of Skye in a moment I was pretty sure might never end. And I sampled chocolate and watched football and watched the sunset over the Rhine with Alice. I got to bid Cara "bon voyage!" in Paris after lounging in parks and pain au chocolat and jumping pics by Notre Dame. And I got to go to Stuttgart -- maybe the worst city in Germany (i jest, I jest) and judge drunk Germans at summer fest, and befriend historically inaccurate Aussies, and battle bloodthirsty REWE kids, and defend Penn State's honor in perhaps our second most popular sport with Brad. I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's been a good year thus far. I have lots of amazing memories with people from both back at home in State College and all across Europe, and frankly I treasure them equally because it's the people in them that make them more so then the places. I feel incredibly blessed that I've been able to share these experiences with people over course of this year, and I'm looking forward to the moment that we will finally all be back together again though, making mentors together. *Also, to all my homies from State High/townie life, it goes without saying that I miss you, fam. (It's just at this point -- half a decade, or, in some cases, over a decade deep in friendship, I feel like we miiiiiight be past the "getting to know each other" phase). *also, if you were wondering about the title for the post, it's a Hamilton reference. Are you surprised? I have been crafting my reply for months, quested for its answer long before my tutor posed the question. Language is important in crafting a narrative -- a story that a nation, or a person, uses to express, define, and explain the events around them.
I sat in the library classroom, ears buzzing with the constant ping pong passing of conversation from speaker to speaker, and although I did my best to follow along, I was feeling a bit fatigued. We were at least an hour into the class, and I was scribbling restlessly on my notepad, when our lecturer posed a question which paused my thoughts and provoked the room: should the German people still feel guilty for the Holocaust? Hands went up all across the room, and I dropped everything, completely at attention, while students swiftly and passionately described their feelings. The right to speak soon passed to the girl beside me, who quickly launched into a story comparing the German perception versus the Ausländer perspective, specially the American one, and I felt eyes slide over me. "I was in the Holocaust Museum in DC and this American lady asked me how I as a German felt about this." As not only the Ausländer in the room but also the American, I immediately felt the pull to respond, to fill the token spot with my voice, my insight... And yet I couldn't find the words, and not just because they were in German. How do you answer such a widespread, incredibly complex question, as the voice of an entire people, an entire other population of the globe? Initially I wanted to react; I wanted to say "don't worry, I don't blame you for the Holocaust." But then I paused, because I was unsure if this was honest. Don't get me wrong, I very much understand that the Holocaust is history, and that Germans today aren't Nazis, and that Germany has made many many efforts to understand this dark aspect of its past. However, to decide if I could say that they shouldn't feel guilty, I would need to truly understand the root of the word Schuld, and all the implications that went along with it. And I don’t think I do, so I don't know. I know Schuld means “guilt”, but what does “guilt” entail? I also wasn't sure how to convey in my own clumsy cobbling together of words, my own guilt instead -- because instead of trying to speak for every bit of the rest of the world, I knew I could at least speak authentically for what it entails for me. At the time, I could not find the words to subvert the narrative of the quiet American in the corner, but I’ll try now to do so, to answer your demand, even if it leads only to more questions. You know me as an American, but my father is from South Africa, and I too understand a thing or two about historical guilt, as I bear the weight of the sins of two nations. I anguish over the transgressions of a land I've never even truly lived in, and I know not how you felt in the Holocaust Museum, but I have stood rooted in the Apartheid Museum in South Africa, shaking to my bones, I weeping, overcome by the fact that people who were probably my kin and from whose legacy I stem could commit such atrocities, could fathom and implement such a structured system of hatred. I’m not sure where I start to find the words that explain guilt in America, guilt for lands torn from proper owners and people torn from their homes. How, in a few clipped, erroneous sentences, could I convey the immense weight chained to me from the land of the free? Many of my own countrymen don't get that, so why should foreigners follow these nuances? How could I convey that, no, in my immense heart wrenching sorrow, I didn't feel responsible for the past -- but I do feel an incredible, vulnerable, responsibility for the future, for how the next page in this legacy transpires. That’s what guilt mean to me -- but was that Schuld? I could not be sure, so I stayed quiet, I listened, and I tried to build for myself an understanding, a foundation for this word which troubles and confounds us all. So originally this weekend I thought that I would try and go for an overnight to Dresden or Nuremberg or perhaps another German city... or somewhere in Switzerland... And then, as it crept closer to the weekend, I decided I'd just change that to a daytrip... and then, by Friday afternoon, I found myself planning on staying in Freiburg the entire weekend. It was nice. The weather was finally warm and sunny and I didn't have an abundance of expectations. My friend Brad and I grilled on his terrace Thursday afternoon, discussed club business for next year, and just hung out and relaxed, then met up with some friends. Friday I skyped some friends back at home, then went for a picnic along the Dreisam -- the river that flows through town, before sitting with friends on a balcony listening to music and enjoying the night. Saturday I went hiking around the Schlossberg -- one of the mountains right along the edge of town (and I mean right -- there's a road that separates it, but it's effectively the same divide as College Ave is between downtown State College and campus) then texted some new friends for evening plans. While on the way into the city, I happened to find this one kid on the tram whom I've never actually spoken to in person; he was, however, an exchange student back at Penn State and I had messaged him earlier about an international affairs club on Facebook. He was extremely friendly and we talked about student life in general -- both back at Penn State and here. He mentioned how he had spent most of his time in the library the past week, studying with the help of four shots of espresso and some burgers, and how he'll always remember pulling an all nighter there the night of July 21st and 22nd, and I laughed, thinking how some things stay very much the same across cultures, because I definitely have friends who have done the same at home (I'm looking at you, Ben and Patrick). Finally Sunday I did some readings for class and then met up with some friends to watch Germany pay Ukraine in their first game of the EUFA (I think that's the name... in German it's just the EM or Europa Meisterschaft).
So, although I didn't go off exploring, I was quite satisfied with remaining in Freiburg this weekend. I felt like I got to experience life more as a student and less as a tourist, especially since I started recognizing people that I knew and spending time with friends that I have made here. I think it's important to get to a place in your study abroad experience where you begin to feel comfortable and at home in your abroad city, and I'm glad that I'm settling into that point. |
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June 2016
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